by Guest Writer Les Beat
Most of us at some point in our lives have yearned for change, to do something different. We may even have had clarity in what we wanted to do and felt the sensation of what it would feel like to succeed. For some inexplicable reason it was only a fleeting glimpse and the idea slipped to the back of our minds only to be lost in the hotchpotch of everyday life.
Why do we find such comfort in our inaction? What prevents us from moving forward? Fear and self-doubt can lead to a lack of self-confidence.
Wouldn’t it be fantastic to wake up every morning feeling like a million dollars alive with excitement and positivity flowing through your veins? You don’t stop to wonder why you just launch yourself into your day and combine effortlessly with family, friends and colleagues. At work, you complete your tasks with a lasting calmness and enthusiasm, which is seemingly unbounded. Fanciful! Not at all.
If you are constantly bombarding yourself with negative thoughts, telling yourself that you are not good enough to have the things you want, thinking you are somewhat lacking in certain qualities and therefore not worthy of success; isn’t it no wonder this has an adverse effect on your confidence? It can make you feel like you can’t do anything right.
If you think about the tasks, you do every day, most of them are wired into you and they are completed automatically. Other less frequent events such as a trip to the dentist, a driving test, a job interview or a project at work; you have taken on with a little trepidation but nonetheless have completed them all as it was essential to your wellbeing. It is important to look at past achievements and remember how you felt in yourself when they were accomplished. Knowing you can do it goes a long way to dispel your fear of moving on.
State of MInd:
When you feel intimidated by a situation it is not the situation you are reacting to it is about your feelings to the situation and your feelings are your own. You don’t have to be governed by your feelings. You have the choice to feel how you want and, in that moment, make the right decision for you. Being confident is no exception and you can create it through your state of mind.
Changing your mind:
The average person thinks thousands of thoughts ln a day and thoughts have a massive bearing on your state of mind and how you feel. It would be difficult to monitor all your thoughts constantly. Try capturing them in a common situation in an average day and you would most likely find the majority are negative. Of course, not all negative thoughts are bad though, indeed some are essential to our survival, but most do not serve a useful purpose.
Our thoughts and emotions are closely related and one is influencing the other. So, it goes without saying that if you change your mind and create more positive thoughts then you will find yourself in a more powerful and confident state and once again have a believe in your own abilities to achieve your dreams.
Learning how to build confidence:
Why do you want to boost your confidence? You may have a new project in mind, something you have always wanted to do that would make a big difference in your life. Maybe you are wanting to change but are not quite sure what to do. Just knowing what it is will be the first step to building your confidence. Have a fixity of purpose on your goal. This doesn’t mean that you have to be rigid in how you get there but focusing on your intended outcome with determination is a powerful tool to have.
2 Visualisation – practice everyday
Imagine what it would be like to be confident and living your life with no doubts and fears. Picture yourself in your mind’s eye as that person, seeing you move with confidence, talk with confidence and wearing your strong suit and not your weak suit. Now most importantly begin to feel that powerful emotion of confidence spreading through you
3. Keeping motivated
However confident you start to feel you may find that there will be days when your confidence and motivation start to wane a little. It’s good to set aside some regular me-time so you can quietly review your goals and run through your techniques.
Friends are special but you may need to find new like-minded people with the same focus as you. Look for local groups or online. Sharing their experiences and knowledge can be a great source of inspiration, motivation and gaining confidence.
4. Positive affirmations
What you are looking to achieve is to be a happier and more confident person. It is natural to experience ups and downs in your life, but when the latter outweighs the former then you need to get back on track. You can start by checking your thoughts.
A great saying goes like this, ” if you say you can’t you won’t, if you say you can you will”. You may recognise thoughts like these. “I could never do that”, “I always make mistakes”, “I am not clever enough”.
Start to challenge the thoughts that continually put you down and make you feel limited and bad about yourself. A good way to do this for lasting change is to write down positive affirmations that reflect yourself in the present. ” I am a fantastic person”, “I am very happy”, ” I am confident”, “I am strong”. Write whatever works for you. Read them before you sleep and when you wake. For your intended goals you could write, ‘ there will be challenges for me along the way and as a resourceful person, I have the abilities to overcome them.
5. Taking Action
There’s no time like the present and never a truer word has been spoken. Did you know the best way to promote confidence is to start acting confidently and enthusiastically even if you are feeling low?
This will hasten your improvement no end. If you can get into a daily routine of promoting your positive thoughts and actions then this can soon lead to success. In the words of the late and great, Susan Jeffers, Psychologist, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway.
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About Les Beat
Les Beat has been a qualified employment professional for over 20 years helping people find that spark of excellence he believes is inside us all, so they can share it with society. Les has a keen interest in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Personal Development.