How do you cope with people who dislike you without them having an apparent reason? This is especially distressing since maybe you have done nothing wrong to cause their contempt? It happens in life a lot more than you think and may not be in any way your fault at all, well most of the time! In this post, Inzspire examines the reasons behind this and how to deal with it.
This particular article really resonates with me. When I first started working many years ago, there was a member of staff I worked with who really hated me. I was devasted as I genuinely did not understand what I had done to make her act in such a way towards me. She constantly made disparaging remarks about me to other team members and openly confronted me on many occasions. She rejected any overtures I made to her to resolve the situation, and when I raised the issue with my manager, it was rejected as paranoia on my part.
What made matters worse was when a chance for promotion came about, she voiced her opinion to our manager that I was unsuitable for the role. It didn’t make my situation any better just because it arose from her own professional frustrations. I felt compelled to justify myself all of the time, and had to deal with all of the negative publicity. Eventually, she got the position and she continued to make my life a living hell before I quit.
I decided from that moment on that whilst I was unable to control how people felt about me, I could control how I felt about them.
This is a very good place to start. Take a moment to decide whether you’re doing something that may be disrespectful or inappropriate before deciding it has nothing to do with you. Here are some of the reasons why people may dislike you. Go through the list and be honest. Are there any here you can relate to? Let us know in the comment section below.
It’s all about you?
Every day when you come to work, you cannot wait to tell people what has happened in your life. You’re always trying to brag about everything in your life and making it sound as if it’s all brilliant and wonderful. However, you never inquire about others’ well-being or show little interest in them.
If that is what is happening, engage with the world and the people in it as nobody wants to be around someone who is always talking about themselves.
You are intimidating
For those that are not fully confident, seeing someone who is successful and assured can be sometimes imposing. Unfortunately, they may confuse your confidence for arrogance, and they’ll think you’re too big for your boots. In this instance, you have to keep going as this is not your problem.
You are too self-opiniated
Well, you must be really upsetting the bullies and the vain ones of the group! They feel that you have no right to speak back to them. Some people simply want you to say yes, and when you don’t, they get very upset. It’s not a bad thing to be outspoken, opinionated, with sincerity. But, like too much of something, being candid with someone has a way of rubbing people the wrong way. Being too blunt or straightforward in some situations may be totally off-putting.
However, you should continue to speak out and advocate for what you believe in, whatever the case might be, as long as you treat people with respect and allow them to have their own opinion especially if it does not match yours.
Being negative all the time
The impact of constantly negative prevents positive energy from flowing and causes the Law of Attraction to attract negative rather than positive outcomes. It increases our anxiety and uncertainty, as well as our trust and faith in ourselves and our goals.
Negativity, like many other things in life, can become a habit. Criticism, cynicism, and denial can all lead to the formation of neuronal pathways in the brain that promote sadness. These negative tendencies can cause our brain to misinterpret the reality, and the ability to break the negative cycle much more difficult.
Always interrupting people’s conversations
Some people interrupt because they are so enthralled by what you are saying that they can’t wait to share their thoughts and feelings with you. Similarly, many persistent interrupters are completely unaware that they are doing so. Interrupting other people, they believe, is what keeps the conversation lively and interesting.
This is known as a “conversational narcissist”. A conversational narcissist is someone who keeps the conversation focused on themselves and then walks away when it is no longer about them. They are uninterested in what other people have to say in general.
People are jealous of you
People who are envious of you are aware that you are succeeding, and they wish for the same success for themselves. Rather than spending their time in bettering their own lives, they tend to tear down others. Their envy stems from their own life shortcomings and inadequacies. Allowing these people to drag you down is not a good idea. Rather than being offended by this, try to persuade them to go their own way.
Your appearance or an event ‘triggers’ them
This is a difficult one to interpret or understand. It could be a recollection of an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, or you could even resemble a family member with whom they are no longer friendly. They have negative thoughts every time they see you.
You can see how this is completely unrelated to you and entirely about them. There’s nothing you can do about it until they’ve recovered from their trauma or they accept your presence. It’s totally out of your control, and all you can do now is realise that they have the problem and they have to deal with it.
Some people in life are not going to like you and it is not your responsibility to persuade them to do so
You have more important things to think about and do. Yes, you should be courteous, philosophical even, but you must also be true to yourself. Some people dislike you because they don’t think those aspects of your personality meld with theirs; others dislike you because they see no gain or they feel that you do not make it worthwhile for them to spend their time with you.
It’s important to note that people have favourites both inside and outside the workplace; I’m sure you’ve noticed this: there are certainly some people with whom you get along and others with whom you don’t. Although it can appear personal, it is simply human nature and you just need to accept it.
#3. “Don’t Bite”
Acceptance, however, does not imply that you reciprocate. There’s an old adage that arguing with fools just serves to show that there are two of them. Don’t do it, no matter how important you feel the need to take some form of retaliatory action.
Redirecting the dialogue is one tactic that can remedy the potential conflict and avoid the temptation to engage. If at any stage you feel the conversation appears to deviate and slowly go downhill, quickly return the conversation to its original subject by saying. “We appear to be digressing, so let’s get back to the job in hand” for example.
You can try to calmly discuss the problem with them. However, if you don’t have something in common that is equally important to both sides, you’ll probably be turned down, if you ever try to resolve the reasons why that person dislikes you.
#4. Accept & Adjust
Dealing with someone who is so disapproving of you can be exhausting, so redirect your attention to those who believe in you.
For example, you are employed because you’re capable of doing the role, and the people who hired you know it. It makes no difference what others think about your qualifications or your competence in the job.
Determine whether or not you should be concerned. Not everybody who crosses your path should be considered a potential friend. It might not be fun if a fellow employee or someone you are aware dislikes you, but you can determine if it’s worth it and try to build the required bridges and win them over. Not everyone is worth your time and effort however, especially if they are extremely difficult and you stand to gain nothing by discussing it with them.
If you know why the person dislikes you, ask yourself if it’s really important that they like you. Does it really matter what they think? Do they dislike a lot of people? You may not be “special” in that case. You just accept and adjust.
Regardless of the negative situation, you must keep going and, of course, whilst this is the best approach, it is easier said than done.
When all else fails, it’s best to accept the presence of the occasional adversary. You don’t have to go around provoking people, but if you don’t like someone and they don’t like you, you don’t have to go out of your way to please them either.
✔️ Bonus: See the “From Zero to Hero” E-Book. 7 ways to make people respect and like you, 5 ways to ban negative thoughts and develop a positive mindset, 8 ways to reach personal goals through awareness, 11 ways to increase your self-esteem and become self-confident and much more!