How NOT to avoid a difficult conversation

You have put it off or avoided it for a little while, but the problem won’t go away and now you feel it has reached a stage where you have to have the inevitable confrontation with someone. Before we start;

WARNING!

There are certain circumstances where you cannot have a confrontation:

  • You have witnessed or the situation involves illegal activity
  • You do not feel safe or abuse is involved
  • Difficult relationships or events that are better left in the past

If any of the above rings true, then this post is not for you and it is better to seek professional advice right away. If the above is not the case-then read on!

In most cases it is human nature and common to try and avoid conflict, especially if you are on the receiving end, but this mainly seems to cause more of the same. It is not easy to conduct a difficult conversation but there are ways to make it effective. These tips can help if you need to have a long-avoided conversation in a relationship, at work or within the community.

Here are 5 tips on how to have a difficult conversation:

#1 Preparation

Do not start a conversation without having a plan. Try not to bring emotion such as anger into the conversation. To not prepare is normally a disaster about to happen. Not only should you think rationally on what you need to say to them, but also consider the impact on the other person and how you think they will react. This does not mean that you talk your way out of it, just consider on what you think the outcome will be. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will be.

Consider what you want the outcome to be following the conversation you are about to have with that person. Generally, there are three outcomes when conducting a difficult conversation:

  • A definitive solution which is your desired result
  • A mutually agreeable strategy or plan which is a roadmap for finding a solution
  • A mutual understanding which may not solve the problem but will defuse the conflict

#2 Discuss it with someone you trust

Sometimes sharing what you are going to do with a friend can help. They may give you a fresh perspective or provide with something that you have not considered. Your friend should be able to empathise with you.

Tell your friend the following:

  • Tell your friend the reason why you need to have this difficult conversation with this other person
  • Your feelings towards the other person
  • What you feel the other person is feeling towards you
  • What you are going to say to the person
  • What you hope the outcome will be

Do not get angry with your friend if they do not agree with what you are about to do or, in the unlikely event, if they feel that the other person is right. Listen to what they have to say as it may be the best thing you did. Being your friend does not mean they have to agree with everything you say but they should empathise with your position and provide insight into why they do not agree with you. Remember all this is part of your planning stage.

#3 Your difficult conversation

Consider how you are going to conduct the difficult conversation. Is it in person, by phone or video call? In person is likely to be the best, but whatever option you take, make sure it is what you feel most comfortable with.

The elements of your difficult conversation should include:

  • The opening statement. The reason why you want this conversation.
  • What you are feeling at this moment and why.
  • Tell them that you want to discuss the way forward for both of you,
  • When it is their turn to speak try not to interrupt and carefully listen to what they have to say. Stay in control even if the conversation gets heated.

Once you have both made your opening statements, you next add the following to the conversation:

  • Explain why you have raised this conversation as you want to work this problem out.
  • Ask them why do they think the situation has come to this stage?
  • What you need from them
  • What can you do to help?
  • Agree a way forward

#4 During the difficult conversation

During your conversation, try and remember the following:

  • Trust the conversation process and always listen to the other person, as this can greatly improve the conversation.
  • Whether the conversation turns good or bad, always remember why you wanted the conversation in the first place.
  • You may dislike the person but tolerance is important here. Always stay in control of your emotions.
  • Remember the hopes you shared with your friend about the outcome. Is there something during the conversation that has supported your hope?
  • If it goes well then you have most likely gained respect from the other person and an understanding of what they are feeling.
  • If it is not going well, remember at least you tried.

#5 Ending the conversation

Always try and end a conversation with an agreement of a way forward. Consider what has changed following this conversation and discuss it with them.

Even if the outcome did not go the way you wanted, always provide a gesture of gratitude. Thank them for allowing you the opportunity to hold the conversation.

Bonus Tips!

#1 See our supplementary video ‘How to say what you think-not what they want to hear’ by clicking on the image below.

#2 See The Amazing You an Emergency Change Your Life Plan that works and can help you put your life back on track. Click on the Link for details.

10 ways to deal with insomnia

“Insomnia is a sleep disorder in which you have trouble falling and/or staying asleep. The condition can be short-term (acute) or can last a long time (chronic). It may also come and go.”

Insomnia is something that affects everyone in their lives at some point in time. You can alleviate this condition by making changes to your sleeping habits. For example, read before you go to bed and/or avoid eating or drinking shortly before you try to go to sleep.

There are many reasons for insomnia, such as stress, anxiety, disturbances from noise, room temperature being or too cold, eating and/or drinking just before you go to bed, for instance.

Whatever the reasons are, here are 10 tips to try and achieve a restful night:

#1 Try and maintain regular sleeping hours

Sleeping studies have proven that if you go to bed and get up in the morning roughly at the same time regularly is beneficial to your wellbeing. Sleeping trials have proven that sleeping irregularly, causes a higher the risk for obesity, hypertension, and elevated blood sugar, and the higher the projected risk of developing heart disease.

Ideally, you should stick to the same sleep schedule every night so your body can find its natural rhythm and settle into a regular sleep-wake cycle. But many people don’t prioritize this, which can throw off the body’s internal clock. If you constantly change the time you fall asleep and wake up, your body won’t be able to adjust to a set schedule.

#2 Create the right setting for sleep

Your bedroom should be a peaceful sleeping environment. This means, no noise, keeping your room dark and temperature should be controlled. Your body heat peaks in the evening and then drops to its lowest levels when you’re asleep, so a cool 16-18°C (60-65°F) is thought to be an ideal temperature in a bedroom. Temperatures over 24°C (71°F) are likely to cause restlessness, while a cold room of about 12°C (53°F) will make it difficult to drop off.

If your pet sleeps in your bedroom with you, consider whether it disturbs you during the night, and if it does, whether you should move it to another room so as to help you sleep.

#3 A comfortable bed is important

A good back supporting mattress is essential to getting a good night’s sleep. Without it, you will probably be tired, achy and irritable in the morning. Not a good way to start the day. Also, this could have a significant impact on your partner too.

Careful consideration for the type of mattress you require is a priority. It is true to say that different beds suit different types of people. The type of mattress you choose should support your weight but also if you are sharing a bed, consideration for your partner should also be taken into account. A mattress that is too soft will cause your body to slump whilst a mattress too hard will apply unneeded pressure to your back, hips and shoulders.

#4 Try to relax before going to bed

Running a warm bath just before going to bed is one way to relax. Studies have found that taking a hot bath about 90 minutes before bed could help people fall asleep more quickly. The hot water changes your body’s core temperature so that you go to bed with a lower temperature. A drop in temperature helps signal to the body that it’s time for bed

Another way is to drink warm milky drinks and herbal teas just before bed. Try and avoid tea, coffee or any alcohol which may keep you awake.

Spending half an hour reading has proved beneficial, play some soft music, listen to an audio book or practice yoga or breathing techniques. All should be helpful for a good night’s sleep

#5 Regular exercise

If done moderately in the evening, exercise such as a small job or a swim will relieve tension that may have built up over the day.

Ensure that you do not undertake rigorous exercise just before bed as this may stimulate you so that cannot sleep.

#6 Avoid overindulgence

Avoid too much alcohol or food at the end of the day as this will interrupt your sleeping pattern. Alcohol may make you drowsy but it can impair proper sleep.

A large meal before bed will activate your digestive system and you will have trouble sleeping.

#7 Avoid smoking

Nicotine is a stimulant. People who smoke take longer to fall asleep, wake up more frequently, and often have more disrupted sleep.

#8 Avoid Tea or Coffee

Research has shown that test subjects drinking tea, coffee or energy drinks in the evening had trouble sleeping. Caffeine is a stimulant that keeps you awake.

Instead, try a warm milky drink or herbal tea before bed.

#9 Record your concerns

If you tend to worry when you lie in bed about the next day, record or list the things that concern you or things that you need to do for the next day.

The aim is to avoid doing these things when you’re in bed, trying to sleep.

10# If you cannot sleep, get up

If you are unable to sleep, do not lie there-get up and do something. After a little while, you will probably feel tired and that is when you need to go back to bed and try again.

Remember!

If you are suffering persistently with being unable to sleep. Go and see your doctor.

Bonus!

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How to maintain a healthy relationship with your Partner

Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you. Walter Winchell

Here are 5 basic elements to keep a healthy relationship going:

#1 You are important

A surprising one to start with but fundamental. No-it doesn’t mean “you are more important than others”, just that you have to love and appreciate who you are in order to attract like for like. Nobody wants a negative person in their life. No-one wants a partner who is constantly feeling that they are worthless. If you generate positive thinking about yourself, you will attract self-minded people who will be happy to share their lives with you.

If you are serious about your relationship, you must ask yourself what do you want from your relationship? It then follows, that if you set high standards for the type of partner you want, or if your partner already sets high standards then you must try and set the same benchmark for yourself. This then moves onto the second element:

#2 Make your partner’s needs your own

In order to make the relationship work, you need to establish what your partner’s needs are and making them your own. Is it security? Encouragement? Commitment? How do they want you to express your mutual understanding? Is it through empathy? Action? Touch?

Once you have an understanding of what your partner wants out of the relationship, and you feel the same, then you are already on the road to maintain a successful relationship. This has to be not only on an intellectual level, but also emotionally. Do not forget yourself, however, it is equally important that this devotion is shared by your partner and it should be reciprocated.

#3 Maintain communication

This means listening as well as talking. Whilst it is important to inform your partner what you feel or want, it works both ways. It is about what you can do for the person you care about. It is essential also that your partner responds in the same way.

Being honest and open with your partner is the key to success. You will have to face the bad times as well as the good, and if you face both with openness and honesty you will succeed in at least maintaining your own integrity. You do not need to avoid conflict. If your partner is worth all your attention, he or she will love you for these qualities you display.

#4 Maintain Trust

If you love them-set them free. If they love you, they are going nowhere. Trust means that you feel safe in the thought that your partner is reliable both physically and emotionally. And it can be built upon to make something strong and worthwhile.

Trust is most important in a relationship. From trust springs respect. Trust is vital during times in the relationship of stress, uncertainty and pain. If there is any doubt in your relationship, you need to go to step 3, or you will both suffer.

#5 Appreciate that you are both different

There are times that you will both disagree and/or realise that you are both different. This is perfectly natural and does not need to be an issue. Indeed, the differences were probably some of the reasons you both found each other interesting and worth further investigation.

It was at these times that you probably found that you had more in common than you initially considered which was the spark that started the fire!

With differences of opinion, you will need to try to understand and appreciate your partner’s position. Do not ignore it.  You already should be aware of your partner’s views on most subjects, and if this is something new, just do what you did originally-just talk about it.

If you can accept and understand the differences, you can build on the aspects that you both already agree on, and you will appreciate the relationship you both have.

Although we confirmed 5 -there is a 6th element…….

KEEP IT GOING!

You have got to this point in your relationship which is healthy. You go forward by following the above-mentioned steps. If something comes up to challenge your relationship, however major or minor, learn from it and keep going. Keeping a healthy relationship is something you must cultivate and maintain, no matter how long the relationship has lasted. It is a process of working on it instinctively every day-and don’t forget-it should be enjoyable and fun-not an ordeal.

Want a FREE E-Book?

“Discover How To Revive Your Relationship With Your Partner And Dramatically Improve Your Quality Of Life Today!” Click on the link here

In our previous video regarding relationships, “Creating a healthy relationship with your partner” which complements this post, we explored briefly the 5 basic elements of building up a relationship to be meaningful and successful. If you would like to view this video, please click on this link.

Finally, for the ultimate guide in relationships and a reference source to use for any eventuality, click here.

Ideas to Lose Weight Naturally

Losing weight is always difficult even for the experienced. We are constantly bombarded with the latest fad that promises a revolution in the dieting process.

The following blog really is just simple advice. Here are 10 tips to losing weight naturally:

Drinking (3 Tips)

#1 Drink water before meals

One study showed that drinking water 30 minutes before meals increased weight loss by 44% over 3 months. Water consumption acutely reduces meal energy intake (EI) among middle-aged and older adults.

Test results showed that adults consuming 500 ml water prior to each main meal leads to greater weight loss than a hypocaloric diet alone in middle-aged and older adults.

Remember not to drink too soon before or after a meal as the water will dilute the digestive juices. You can also drink water an hour after the meal to allow the body to absorb the nutrients.

#2 Drink coffee or tea

Metabolism is the process by which your body converts what you eat and drink into energy. Caffeine boosts your metabolism by 3–11%. The higher it is, the more calories you burn and the easier it is to lose weight and keep it off.

#3 Avoid sugary drinks and fruit juice

The more concentrated sugar and calories in fruit juice can lead to obesity and inappropriate weight gain.

Excessive weight gain is associated with high blood pressure, hypertension, stroke, diabetes and other negative health issues later in life.

Eating (5 Tips)

#1 Choose weight-loss-friendly foods

Such as such as eggs, fish, lean meat, vegetables, fruit, nuts, seeds and legumes. Different foods go through different metabolic pathways in your body. Having a healthy gut may help protect against inflammation and leptin resistance, which is one of the main hormonal drivers of obesity.

#2 Eat a high protein breakfast

Such as Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs etc.  Studies have shown that adding more protein to your diet is the easiest and most effective way to lose weight. Eating a high-protein breakfast could reduce cravings and calorie intake throughout the day.

#3 Eat soluble fiber

Also known as roughage, is the part of plant-based foods (grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and beans) that the body can’t break down. Findings show that soluble fibers may promote weight loss. Fiber supplements like glucomannan can also help.

#4 Base your diet on whole foods

Whole foods are generally those that remain close to their state in nature. They do not have added sugars, starches, flavorings, or other manufactured ingredients. They are not primarily produced in a factory; in this way, they are the opposite of processed foods. They are healthier, more filling, and much less likely to cause overeating than processed foods.

#5 Eat slowly

Eating quickly can lead to weight gain over time, while eating slowly makes you feel more full and boosts weight-reducing hormones.

Finally, 2 more tips you should try to do regularly

#1 Weigh yourself every day

Studies show that people who weigh themselves every day are much more likely to lose weight and keep it off for a long time.

#2 Get good quality sleep

Sleep is important for many reasons, and poor sleep is one of the biggest risk factors for weight gain.

There is a 3-Week weight loss and health improvement program that you can quickly review to see if it is for you. Try the The Smoothie Diet 21 Day Weight Loss Program by clicking here to view the details:

The Smoothie Diet 21 Day Weight Loss Program

For more information on weight-loss, you can click on the link to see the video “5 Tips To Lose Weight”

4 Benefits of Meditation

When you meditate, there is a positive impact on your physical wellbeing, your health, your mental condition and emotional state. In this post, Inzspire looks at 4 benefits of meditation and the effects it has for your wellbeing. There is also a complimentary video below if you want to know more about meditation.

#1 Physical Benefits

The physical benefits of mediation are often overlooked and whilst this is not a definitive list, it gives you a general indication of the value meditation offers you:

Benefits the Cardiovascular System

Meditation essentially consists of extended sitting and controlled breathing. These work to reduce blood pressure and cholesterol, leading to less physical tension, which is good for your heath and enhances your energy for physical activities.

Benefits Athletic Performance

Most athletes will tell you that 90% of the game is mental. Meditation improves your concentration, but can also help you with flexibility and balance.

Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Meditation is great for reducing the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety, shortness of breath, tingling limbs, muscle tension and more.

Benefits the Immune System

Findings have indicated that regular meditation practice can help people not only fight colds and illness, but can also help slow or control the pain of serious diseases and illnesses.

Benefits Pain Management

Meditation will help recovering from a minor or major injury and assist in dealing with chronic pain and discomfort.

#2 Health Benefits

Here are the common benefits for your health.

A healthy heart

Clinical studies have clearly shown that daily meditation improves blood circulation, decreases blood pressure and lowers the heart rate which is good for your heart.

Better-controlled stress and anxiety

We have a stress hormone called cortisol which is released by the hypothalamus in the brain every time we get into stressful situations. Research had shown that cortisol is greatly reduced when meditating.

A better night’s sleep

Insomnia is a world-wide problem for people. Everyone at some stage has had a sleepless night. Studies have shown that guided meditation has helped sufferers get good quality sleep.

A stronger immune system

The immune system is a complex network of cells and proteins that defends the body against infection. What is remarkable is that the immune system keeps a record of every germ it has ever defeated so it can recognise and destroy the microbe quickly if it enters the body again. Various studies have shown results that prove meditation improves the immune system functions.

#3 Mental Benefits

As we get older our brain functions gradually deteriorate resulting in memory loss. Meditation helps bolster brain functions thus decelerating memory loss. It also enhances mental agility, alertness, better focus and concentration.


The mental health benefits of meditation include better focus and concentration, improved self-awareness and self-esteem, lower levels of stress and anxiety, and fostering kindness. Meditation also has benefits for your physical health, as it can improve your tolerance for pain and help fight substance addiction.

#4 Emotional Benefits

The brain is the part of the body where meditation can really be of great benefit if performed regularly. Results have proven that we become more capable of coping with negative emotions when we meditate and practice viewing heightened emotions as passing states.

Research shows that gray matter, namely the area of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, planning, and problem-solving — as well as the cortical thickness, responsible for learning and memory–both increase with regular meditation practice. Alternatively, the amygdala, which regulates how we feel stress, fear, and anxiety, responds to meditation by shrinking.

Inflammatory chemicals called cytokines, which are released in response to stress can affect mood, leading to depression. A review of several studies suggests meditation may reduce depression by decreasing these inflammatory chemicals and lead to more positive emotions, longer-lasting emotional stability and heightened focus during daily life.

For more information on Meditation, you can click on the link below to see the video “Meditation For Beginners.”

https://youtu.be/i9ab0Vk-rLw 
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MEDITATION FOR BEGINNERS (guided meditation)

FREE GUIDE!

Bonus For an insight on the best way to meditate, see ‘The Bio-Energy Code’. Most programs simply focus on “mindset” – while completely ignoring that your body is drowning in stored negative energy. The Bio-Energy Code addresses ALL the areas of blocked energy – all at once. There’s no long and drawn out process of learning and mastering the energy centres or chakras. The Bio-Energy Code is the only manifestation approach that combines ancient and time-honoured chakra “energy work” with cutting-edge brain science. Click on here for details: